Branding Israel

It’s a question that we’ve been asking ourselves for 40 years: Why is it that we're so bad at PR? I might be a little biased, but even when I try really hard to be objective, I'm still convinced that Israel has a pretty good case. But when it comes to the media, foreign governments and hearts & minds in general, the Palestinians have done a far better job at making themselves heard.

Everything seems to be a PR disaster for us. So much so that we resort to getting some Israeli girls to strip down and model for lads’ mags as “sexy Israeli soldiers”. This might be a bit of harmless fun, but quite embarrassing to have come from an Israeli diplomat, as an official Israeli hasbara initiative. Why is it that no one considers even West Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and that the BBC even felt the need to apologise when a sports presenter referred to it as such? Why is it that Israel has to defend its “right to exist”, a phrase never used for any other country?

I was driving through a predominantly Arab neighbourhood of Lod on the way to work when I spotted a house at the side of the road. It was a pretty large house, probably owned by one of the town’s more well to do residents, or perhaps simply home to a very large extended family. In the brickwork there was a plaque marking the year it was built (1990) and with an illustration of the Dome of the Rock. The Palestinians love imagery. Every Palestinian official sits in an office with a picture of Jerusalem fixed to the wall. And what have they talked about non-stop for the past forty years? Three things. Jerusalem, the Occupation and refugees. They go on and on about them and find a way of attaching everything that happens to one (or two or three) of them. As far as marketing is concerned, continuously reiterating your key messages is the secret to building up a brand. Ask anyone about the Palestinians and they will know that they stand for these three things.

What about Israel? What are our key messages? Hmmm. We want peace… or at least no war or perhaps separation. We love Jerusalem even though most of us don’t talk about it or even visit it very often. We’re good at science and technology. But our most important message – the one we always like to focus on – is that we want to be accepted by the world. That’s all, just accepted.

So put your feet in the shoes of a neutral and ask yourself, ‘Whose message would convince you?’

Kosher Calling

Jerusalem is the best place in the world for keeping kosher. Wherever you are in the holy city, you will find a wide array of kosher eateries for your every taste. Whether it's pizza or shwarma, Chinese or Mexican, it's all here and it's all kosher.

Once the Jerusalemites had found a way to ensure that most food was certified as "kosher", they started making other things kosher. You can now travel on a "kosher bus route" - instead of split hooves there's split seating, men at the front, women at the back. You can also find "kosher shops" that don't allow entry to immodestly dressed women, and the more mehadrin shops have separate opening hours for men and women.

In my quest to find a moving company, I noticed an advert plastered over a Mea Shearim bus stop for Yosef Movers, "ten years of experience and low prices". About to tear off the tag with his phone number, I spotted that he had mentioned that his phone number was a "kosher number". I had never heard of such a thing. What made it more interesting was that the sign had been stamped in red ink - several times - "Beware, this number is not kosher!" Someone was going around stamping adverts with a kashrut warning. Memories came flooding back of that time I bought a Push-Up Lolly Pop to school, only to be told by one of my classmates that he had heard it "might not be kosher".

Desperate to get to the bottom of this, I decided to poll a few of the locals. The first chassid to pass, an elderly man, took a glance, squinted his eyes as if he was reviewing the whole Talmud Bavli for a reference to Hilchot HaPelephon, and then shook his head. Realising that the answer to my question would more likely be found with a younger Talmudic sage, I pulled over a teenage lad. He knew the answer straight away: "A kosher phone is one with no internet or SMS".

"So, is Yosef Movers kosher?" I asked. Examining the number carefully, my young friend said he couldn't be sure so to be on the safe side, I should probably find a different company.

As my bus arrived, I couldn't help but wonder what was so treif about a text message? How much impurity can you write in 300 characters? And how much porn can you squeeze into a screen that small?! With no one looking, I tore off the number and slipped it in my pocket. Let God be my judge.

Irresponsible boys and a blameless nation

Last week, I bumped into an English gap-year student who was heading towards Burgers Bar on Emek Refaim. He was full of the joys of a year with no exams, not a day’s hard work, no interfering parents and free use of daddy’s credit card. I asked him how his year had been. His initial response was “amazing”, “the best ever” and “so cool”, but as we got talking, it turned out that he wasn’t so happy after all.

His youth movement had chucked him off his programme and was trying to get his yeshiva to throw him out too. “I did nothing wrong,” he said. “All I did was go to Istanbul for a short holiday without telling anyone.” Reluctantly he agreed that he had done wrong and that the movement had a right to be angry, but felt that they were being unfair in trying to get him kicked out of yeshiva. “I’m in the middle of my spiritual discovery,” he said. “If they kick me out now I will be spiritually lost. Who knows where I’ll end up?” In other words, his youth movement would be totally responsible if he ended up leaving the faith altogether.

The more I reflect on Winograd’s conclusions and the reaction that followed, the more I think back to how the country overwhelmingly supported the war. Most of us called for an invasion of Lebanon and we wanted it fast. If Olmert had waited, we would have been up in arms. How could we sit back and be silent when our soldiers had been killed and kidnapped?

When I mentioned this to a friend, he told me that we only supported the war because our leaders created an atmosphere that led us that way. I don’t buy this at all. We always have the ability to think for ourselves and make up our own minds. Throughout the war, I don't recall Kikar Rabin calling for a swift withdrawal or a speedier ground assault. When it comes to tuition fees or municipal taxes we know how to form an independent opinion, but for some reason, last summer, we only heard what our leaders were saying.

Ten months later and Qassam rockets are raining down on Sderot again. 35% of the population has left. Some will never return. Schools are closed and businessmen are wondering whether they made the right decision in being located in Sderot in the first place. What should be done about it? We surely can’t allow the south to be held hostage. If we act should we respond with targeted aerial attacks or a full-blown re-occupation? What will the world say? And if we do respond, what will that do to the Hamas-Fatah civil war and future balance of powers?

If there are two lessons from last summer, it is that the Government should assess the situation & do what it thinks is right and that we must challenge them on everything they tell us.

In dealing with Hamas, the Government should be bold in taking whatever measures it deems appropriate. But moreover, we – the people – should be even bolder in holding our government to account. It’s not good enough to blame the Government again if things go wrong and we were silent.

Only children prefer to blame those around them when things don’t turn out the way they want.

Taxi Tales

Taxi driver (T) - Where to?
Jonny (J) - Gan Sacher please.
T - Jump in.
J - Do you mind not smoking?

Taxi driver chucks his cigarette out of the window

T - You just have to ask, you know?
J - I know - I just asked.
T - All right, but you don't have to make a big deal about it.
J - I didn't - I just asked.
T - Whatever. What's going on at Gan Sachar tonight?
J - Big concert for Yom Yerushalayim. All the stars are going to be there.
T - Why do you want go there? It's going to be full of freichot and arsim.
J - Just fancy doing something special for Yom Yerushalayim.

After two years in Israel, I still get surprised when I have to explain myself to taxi drivers.

As we reach a junction, a guy with long hair rides past on a bicycle.

T - You can't tell the difference between them.
J - Between who?
T - Boys and girls today.
J - Hu?

The conversation paused for about 30 seconds while I tried to figure out what he was talking about.

T - Did you hear the news?
J - What?
T - More Qassams fell on Sderot.
J - Yeah. It's a mess.
T - I don't understand how you can go to a concert and celebrate when Qassams are falling.
J - That's Israel. We're always at war with someone, but somehow manage to find a way of celebrating life.
T - Who's performing tonight?
J - Everyone... Idan Reichal, Harel Skart, Shlomi Shabbat, Hadag Nachash...
T - I have all their DVDs (I think he meant CDs) . Why don't you stay at home and listen to them. You could have a babrbeque and open a bottle of wine.
J - Because it's not the same as seeing them live.
T- I don't understand you kids.

He pulls over outside the park.

T - That'll be 18 shekel.
J - Here, take twenty.
T - Thanks. Is that Shlomi Shabbat on stage?
J - Yeah.
T - I love that guy. Let's see if we can find somewhere to park.

1967 and All That

It’s strange how history tends to judge similar events inconsistently.

In 1948, Israel was at war with Egypt, Transjordan, Lebanon, and Syria, conquered territory that it had not been assigned under the 1947 UN Partition Plan, and the war resulted in approximately 360,000 Palestinian refugees.
In 1967, Israel was at war with Egypt, Jordan, and Syria, conquered territory that it did not control under the 1949 Armistice Agreements, and the war resulted in approximately 200,000 Palestinian refugees.
The territory Israel gained in the War of Independence is considered legitimate; the territory gained in the Six Day War is taboo.

British Ambassador to Israel, Tom Phillips, recently echoed the view accepted by almost everyone in the world: “There are aspects of the occupation that distress me, having gone around the territories and looked at it, that I find hard to justify. I cannot justify the amount of settlement activity that is going on…I think this is a major obstacle to peace.”

There are different views explaining who caused the Six Day War. The fact is however, that Phillips and co. couldn’t care less about who or what caused the war. The way they see things, Israel began occupying Palestine in 1967 and continues to do so to this day. The Palestinian problem (as well as a host of other Middle Eastern and international problems) will only be resolved when the occupation is ended.

Israel marks Yom Yerushlayim this week – 40 years since Jerusalem was reunited, 40 years of Jews being able to pray at their holiest place on Earth. It is also 40 years of occupation. The dream of a Greater Israel, a return to all of Israel’s holy sites and a more secure Israel, has not played out as some might have hoped. Yom Yerushlayim carries with it forty years of baggage, making it difficult for many Israelis to celebrate.

As I personally struggle with this question, I remind myself that we’re not celebrating 1967 Day or Six Day War Day – it’s Jerusalem Day. A day for us to stand in awe of our capital city with its beautiful Old City and buzzing kanyon. To wander up Emek Refaim, see the packed hotels and witness the state of the art Light Railway come to fruition. Day to day, we Jerusalemites complain a fair amount about our city and all its problems. But for one day, we will see the bigger picture. Now that’s surely worth celebrating.

A Day in the Life of a Kiosk Owner

There’s a wonderful institution in England called the Corner Shop. You rarely have to walk more than 5 minutes until you come across one, open from early till late, seven days a week, with all the chocolate bars, newspapers and cartons of milk that you could ever need. Owning a Corner Shop is a trade particularly popular with Britons of Asian descent - which means you can normally get whatever you need even on Christmas Day! Corner Shop owners are considered hard working, upstanding members of society, who, together with accountants and undertakers, provide the rest of us with life’s most important services.

Israel doesn’t have Corner Shops. It has Kiosks. The kiosk on our street backs on to a small park, making it an absolute goldmine. Throughout the summer, hundreds of children and parents wander around the park, all hungry for ice cream and thirsty for chocolate milk. Over the winter, the owner made some changes to boost business, ahead of the summer surge. He started by knocking a hatch though the back wall of the kiosk so that he'll face the park (which he never opens). He then painted his new kiosk… pink. And finally he painted a “No Parking” marking on the road outside of his kiosk so no one should block his view of the street. Genius.

As if the Knesset made it mandatory, every kiosk – however big or small – has its own satellite dish, along with all the sports channels. This helps explain the mystery of why the kiosk owner stays open so late, even when most people are home for the night. Every evening, he and a few of his mates do precisely what they would do at home, but without their nagging wives reminding them to wash the dishes, put the kids to bed and fix the wobbly door knob. The chevra sit around the kiosk’s little table, and enjoy 90 minutes of uninterrupted pleasure. The kiosk owner knows that however little trade he’ll get that evening, he is guaranteed to sell 5 packets of cigarettes and a kilo of garinim.

Beyond selling today’s copy of Maariv and Yediot, and tickets for this week’s Lotto and Totto, most people assume that there’s more to the kiosk owner than meets the eye. No one really knows how the kiosk owner makes his money but let’s just say, it’s not how Mr. Patel does it.